Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
