Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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