I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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