do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize