fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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