dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
