I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
