I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
