So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
