nut hugger
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I touched a dick in church today
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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