dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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