yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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