I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
