she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize