I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
