That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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