and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
