Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
