I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
