I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
