Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
