is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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