If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
my liver is dry heaving
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
