just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
