And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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