so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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