Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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