"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
