so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
