covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
