first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
