a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize