Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
