i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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