After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
