Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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