take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
