after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
