I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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