peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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