When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
