The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
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You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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