I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
