I faked an abortion last night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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