You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
