Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize