If that was your dad, he is hot
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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