this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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