I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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