you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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