You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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