Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
