I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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