its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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