He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
