btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
