We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
