ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
