I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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