Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
