also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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