Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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