Just fell off a train. Bad.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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