Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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