I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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