I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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