She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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