Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
