Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
