Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
