Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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