I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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