Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
