Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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