you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
