You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
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If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
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Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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