my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
handjob tips. give me some.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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