Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
