i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
