i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
