dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
