gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
