Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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