Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Welp...herpes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
