drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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