i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
