girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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