You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
